Worlds Colliding

I find it interesting. I find it exasperating. The world of (some) young adults, and our world of parents, home owners, responsible contributing individuals...

We have many battles of expectations and requests and slow responses or sporadic conformity in our home.

Case in point:

We are a smoke free home. We do not smoke.  A couple of the offspring do.  Our rule is no smoking in the house and throw away your butts. There have been several instances of this being ignored in various forms.

When Traveler first moved back over a year ago, she tried to sneak past that rule, but the screen sorta fell off its perch as she opened it and the cigarette landed on the back step beneath the window. Caught! Addressed.
Moved on.

Last night Ocho's bedroom light was on and I thought he was at work, so I went to turn it off. Surprise! He had come home early and I had missed him coming in. I was so shocked, baffled, embarrassed to barge in that I did not mention how strong the cigarette smell was in his room. Very strong and it seemed that there was a haze.

I started to go back and ask, but hubs is out of state and I did not feel like a confrontation with stepson right before bed, so I sorta shrugged it off as he had been around a bunch of smokers and it was lingering in his clothes and on his body.

I stepped outside this morning to check out the ginger plant that is blooming, and as I walked back to the house, I glanced up and what should I spy?

The screen on his window cocked out of place!  And what was below the window to the side of the step? A cigarette butt!

For awhile, hubs and my lunch routine included watching Judge Judy. On several occasions she would ask a parent if they knew how to tell if a teenager was lying. The answer? The lips were moving. Now Ocho is not a teenager anymore, but I do know that if I say something about it, it will be denied. And for that reason I can't decide if I regret not saying something or not. Probably would not matter, it would amount to just words. I wonder if I nailed the window shut it any sort of message would sink in ...



Why must there be so many ongoing challenges?

But my first ginger bloom of the season is in, can't wait for a few more and the wonderful smell that will waft through the yard!

The next journey begins

I started this post several week ago when we were counting down to a departure. Traveler applied for a job in Philadelphia and received it. She had become a short timer that had overstayed her welcome. Well, at least under the circumstances with the differences of ideas. Many days over the last year I have had to remind myself that this too shall pass. Thankfully, we sometimes do not know how long until the passing or we might give up the fight sooner.


The past year has been full of days that were like picking a goody from a box of chocolates. But most of the chocolates were not that tasty. I would like to say I would not buy this box again. But I would. I know there has been much learned.

I now know there is more meaning than one to the saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I know that familiarity breeds contempt. I know that I am still immature in many ways, I still want to be liked. I have this idea of right and wrong and thought everyone had the same idea. They do not. Will has, for a year, had both children living in the same house as him. While things were not as we had hoped, we got a clearer glimpse into the lives and what home life is to them. This gave me an eyes wide open experience and questions about my two as they go through their own teen years and one day enter that time of being a young adult.

After a year of trudging along, the box of chocolates has been emptied. What will the next box hold?

I know, much to Traveler’s discomfort, wisdom has been shared, grace has been shown, and one day it will come together and she will begin pulling wonderful, tasty chocolates from her own box.

But first, reality and responsibility will pull a few punches. We helped her move, moving and finding a room to rent all in a few days time span. We have returned home and she has begun her next phase in the midst of a world of strangers, obligations and chance to see life from a different perspective. She might learn that her step-mom’s quirks are not that unique to her. Other people will probably like some level of cleanliness, their items returned and the opportunity to share their life too.

She is learning quickly. Money leaves your hands fast in a big city. New jobs do not necessarily pay weekly, let alone daily  (as waitressing did) and maybe, just maybe, dad’s right about budgeting and savings!

I think we may be grabbing at some chocolate truffles!

Lenten

I started this post a week or so ago and never finished it. As I have moved through this Lenten season though, I have wanted to post more, but this particular thought might be needed for some of the funnies and for some of the more insight I hope to come:  

"For this Lenten season I have chosen to give up something and take something on.

The past 12 months of adjustment have been difficult and the full adjustment has not been achieved. We remain rockin’ on this sea of differing views, values, morals.

I do not believe we are on the same boat, maybe we are all in our own little dingy’s and sometimes we are floating along fine and next thing you know we are playing bumper boats. Unfortunately the bumper boats are over the same thing each time.

Even though I do not have a tradition or history of observing Lent, this year I have. I have carried much anger over the last year at issues that just cannot be resolved. One being pitching in around the house. There are six of us and we all contribute to the need of common areas being cleaned - dusted, vacuumed, swept, etc., you all know – not a new battle in the least or unique to my home.

The anger comes from the asking and being ignored. Eye to eye, “yes, I will do that” in action – “hahaha, you THINK I am going to do that? Right, ‘scuse me I have a party to go to, you know real life, see you at 4 a.m. …”

Anger has been around too much, and it has been a little zapping of energy and joy. So for this season, I gave up request. I took something on, if it needs to be done, I will do it. Don’t get me wrong, I will accept volunteered help, but no request or expectations will be or, for the most part, have been issued.

So now it is 4 weeks into this season and the end is coming.
I have worked deliberately at times to chase off the anger. I have purposefully not gone past opened doors as often, thus not seeing the mess or smelling the need for an area to be cleaned. There has been less anger about certain actions, and less moments with the feeling of the rise of my blood pressure.

The problems are still there, but the break from trying to figure out how to fix them has been good too. Trying to figure out how to get buy in to make this living situation work, had become too big of an issue in my life. By stepping back, I have realized some about myself, about my expectations.

Now I am hoping for insight on how to live out my life, in this particular situation, the way God would have me to. Show grace where needed, but not compromise my own values and how I see my household. I hope not to give up the desire to have openness and honesty and pleasant interactions, but not to hold on to expectations of such. To not be frustrated when the choice is made to avoid, to be alone, to not interact.

I hope that there will be a change in me, and that change will change the dynamics of this home.

Old Mother Hubbard

Went to the cupboard

to fetch a glass for a drink

but when she got there,

the cupboard was almost bare

she did not know what to think...

In a matter of 8 weeks, 9 glasses broke or went missing.

In comparison to our average of a glass a year broken, we were quickly headed to a bare glass cupboard.

The solution? Someone had commented months ago about issuing Dixie cups and paper plates. I took their advice on the cups.

I boxed up the remaining glasses and . . . .

We will take turns on purchasing!

Update: Clothes Detergent

The answer to the empty detergent container what was being used?

Spray 'n Wash

BUT. While we were at the beach, they made a purchase of detergent.

I am continuing with the purex sheets for the rest of us - that leaves that purchase for themselves. It seems they are better stewards of the detergent they paid for.

"If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way" Mark Twain

A Veggie Avoiding Vegetarian

Time to share our adventures has been at a minimum.

I have shared some about the business closing and now the end of the business is in sight and I am taking a few days off to recurperate and ready myself for the final - getting as much sold as possible and moving all that is left out and into storage.

I have not shared as much about home. We transitioned into having another adult child come to live with us. That makes four adults and two teenagers.

A recent commenter asked how we were doing with this change. We are still transitioning.



Traveler was due to leave for the Netherlands August 4th. Two jobs were being worked to save money. Tickets purchased. But no go. Her boyfriend broke up with her two weeks ago so plans have ended. She sorta knew it was coming, we have heard comments that began with "if we are still together" for months. Of course there is hurt and disappointment. She did say at one point, she was more upset about not going to school there than she is about "him." There has been good cries, pedicures, trips to see friends in Atlanta, new tattoos.

So new plans are being sorted thru and turned over - we hope. We are transitioning.

When Ocho moved in in February and Traveler in May, the agreement was they would place $300 a month into savings - sorta rent that goes towards their being able to move out on their own. A way to help them out - a way to be a host without being sucked dry and enabling them to step towards responsibility and self support.

Also, they would keep their rooms neat - not perfect, not spotless. Neat.

They would help out around the house, and we failed to say this, but thought their would be some family interaction.

No curfew - as long as we do not hear them during the night and they let us know ahead of time if they will not be coming home for the night.

Ok, here we are in July. This arrangement has been a little more challenging than we counted on.
The rooms, well let's just say gaaarosssssss. After Will asking for two weeks for them to do some cleaning, we took it upon ourselves to spend 4 hours one evening cleaning.



And then we charged them! Yes, a cleaning fee.



Ocho has kept his cleaner since, I guess he would rather we not go through every nook and cranny again. Traveler, that is still a little iffy. But they have been warned, next time we do not wash the clothes, the laundromat will, and they can go and pay to retrieve their clothes.

The curfew issue, oh well, the best laid plans is all I can say ...

Savings deposits? Well that was going fairly well until a car repair, a breakup and a couple tattoos.

Helping around the house. Ocho will if you can catch him at home and awake and micro-manage it. "You cooked (for himself), please clean all the food off the counters." "Remember, it has been your turn to clean the bathroom for two weeks now."

Traveler has been more interesting. We cracked up the first time Will asked her to help the boys clean up the kitchen after a big lunch. "But I am wearing a dress!" Take it off or put a T-shirt on over it. Two weeks later, please empty the dishwasher, "but I want to go see" so and so! "Then you might want to get busy. Only once or twice has there been no resistance.

I do all mine and Will's wash in one day to get it over with and to keep the washer open for the rest of the household. I had not washed clothes in about a week. One day about three weeks ago, getting ready to do our laundry, I noticed the clothes detergent was almost out. I decided to play a little game. I bought some of those really neat Purex 3 in 1 detergent sheets. I kept them in my room. The point of the game? To see when someone would say we were running out of detergent or buy some. Ocho and Travler had washed several times in that previous week. Nothing mentioned about the detergent.

As I said, that was three weeks ago. The Man and Demolition D have been gone, so they did not have any wash until this past week (I did supply them with the nifty sheets). D told me we were out of clothes detergent. I supplied. To this day, neither Ocho (who is 19 and works, does not go to school) nor Traveler (will be 22 in August and works) have said we are low on detergent. Nor have they said we are out of detergent. Nor have they purchased detergent. Yes they have washed clothes - but with no detergent.

Amazing.

But the latest is my favorite.

Last Christmas, Traveler stayed with her mom and came to our house to use the internet and eat. She said "mom doen't have any food in the house." At first I thought that strange, but as the holiday moved on, we kinda guessed why - she probably was tired of working 12 hour days to come home and be taken for granted and feed fully capable people who can afford cigaretts, parties, hobbies and such, but not even pick up a loaf of bread.

So now Traveler and Ocho are living with us. I am going out on a limb to display this (I know it could be more organized, but I don't have the time or inclination at this current point in time).

This is just behind one door.

Two weeks ago there were 6 cereal boxes. There is popcorn, breakfast bars, more peanut butter, chips, etc.)

(there is gazpacho, tortillas, cheese, asparagus, okra and eggs too)

I show you this for a reason.

Last week, while Will and I were at our jobs, working away, Traveler came in the kitchen and said to Demolition D, "When I stayed at mom's I always came over here because there was food here, now that I am living here, there is no food."

I may be wrong, but I see food. And remember, Traveler is a vegetarian - I have items in the freezer, fridge, and cupboards to provide nutrition, minus the meat. Now granted, you have to take a can opener to get to the tomato soup. One might need to boil the pasta to go with the sauce. Maybe cook some rice and open the can of black beans. Might have to thaw the veggie dogs to actually eat. Might have to slice the tomatoes and cucumbers and mix up for a salad. But there is food.

So, as for the question, how are we doing? We are doing. At times we are enjoying. At times we are pulling our hair out. At times so glad to have a little more time with them. At other times completely dumbfounded by their perspective. But all in all, we are good. We are learning ~ we hope they are, but so far the actions do not show it.

When it is time for them to depart, we do know they had an opportunity to set themselves up to start out on the right foot. We know help and guidance have been offered.

In the end though, it will be up to them to make it work. And they will. Even if they trip some down that path, they will stand back up and move forward.

A Rant and Maid Service Fee

Well Ocho, my stepson, has been moved in since February 14th. We knew there would be some adjustment, and there was and there is!

The first few weeks were quite pleasant. Life has leveled off to not much interaction. He sleeps until he has to go to work, works until 10, 10:30 and stays up late to sleep much of the next day. That in itself might not be that big of deal but some other issues have surfaced.

Like last minute need to wash clothes. Sometimes that means only one outfit. Hits me in my "don't waste" side. I have also realized that he, and Demolition D and The Man might need to be watched for how much laundry detergent they are using. That 32 load container that I grabbed to tie us over last Friday is basically gone, but 32 loads have not gone through that laundry room.

The leaving on of lights and TV's had waned, but in the past week has become too much work to do, apparently. So lights are staying on all night again (and I have chosen to try to ignore and not give up my sleep when I wake and notice). I guess it could be that he has his days and nights mixed up and does not realize that the lit room is actually lit by way of electricity and not natural solar energy. hmmmmm.

The no curfew in exchange for respect of letting us know his plans for the evening (coming home or staying with friends) has had its glitches, but I choose to leave that alone. Demolition D seems unaware of what is happening. So we will leave that battle out.

Then there is the issue of the kitchen. He is more than welcome to fix whatever he would like. The same rules apply though - clean up behind yourself! We now realize that is not a rule, it must be an option. There is a double sink in our kitchen. But we don't hand wash dishes, and even if we did, why should we, Will or myself, after a long day wash the dishes of a completely, healthy, functioning adult??? I digress, we have a double sink, running water, but even better yet, we have this modern appliance called a dishwasher.

It is only a couple inches from the sink.

Why can't the dishes as easily go straight into the dishwasher as into the sink? Why are we responsible for loading his dirty dishes, and seeing to it that the dishwasher runs and emptying the contraption? Well, we don't mind the last two, I would like to find the dishes once they are put up. So we will continue that. BUT, the dirty dishes and food in the sink. Not good.

So Will, respectfully "adult" to "adult" discusses this with Ocho last week at their lunch. Will tries to have lunch with Ocho once a week, just to spend some time together and chat. It is more a match of 20 questions, single word answers. Anyway, Ocho said he ran out of time. Will clearly let him know we are not his maids. He needs to pick up behind himself (and also get his room cleaned up).

Will also brought up a tub issue - cleaning the tub and drain behind himself, especially since there are three of them sharing and so far only The Man is cleaning the drain - since it won't drain by the time he baths (it is full of hair gaaaaroooooosssss). A dumbfounded looked surfaced and Will reiterated "we are not your maids, do you want to clean our drain." He thought that gross.

So yesterday, we come home from the day. No dinners were cooked at home - dinner at church. There in the sink is a bowl and several utensils and next to that an almost completely empty dishwasher (plenty of room). Ocho gets home later and Will calls into me, "are these your dishes?" (he knows they are not, but in trying to be light . . .) Nope. He asks Ocho, Ocho sighs in aggravation and goes to the kitchen to put them in the dishwasher. Will reminds him he needs to pick up behind himself. Should be good, right?

Wrong!

I get up this morning and all I could do is laugh!! There are crumbs and rice on the counter (not alot, but there) and dirty dishes and food crumbs in the sink! He ate after we went to bed and still did not put his dirty plates in the sink!!!

What is the thought here? Is this a stand of defiance or blatant disrespect?? A missing link that baffles my brain . . .

So, I wonder, what would be the going rate for maid service? Do you think if he were to pay us a cleaning fee it would be less aggravating? And, the next adult arrives at our home in less than two weeks, will we survive?

p.s. I love the way Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman capture the adventure of living with teenagers . . . some are so true!!

...And the rest of my world

.... I am glad I had the other two post ready and scheduled for posting! Our weekend was somewhat of an adventure.


I actually had Sara (my part time help) cover Saturday at the shop by herself. So I had the day off. But it did not overly feel like a day off - not a lot of rest. Will, The Man, my M.I.L. headed North to Brenau University for Traveler's Senior Thesis. We felt like ducks on the wall to a certain degree. We were not sure what we would do attending a Senior Thesis. Well, in a Musical Theatre degree it means a little bit of reporting, a little bit of acting, and maybe a little bit of singing. There were two thesis being presented, Traveler's, which was on the musical "Parade" and the other graduate did hers on Wasserman. We had to sit through the other first and were warned there would be some profanity and some touchy issues. Well, the presentation started. She said she was going to use a word that would make many uncomfortable. She was going to drop the "F" bomb. She was going to use the word feminism.

Whew, maybe we were ok with the man. But not for long, the acting scene that then began had a militant angry lesbian that the DID drop the "F" bomb, quite a lot. More than some. Luckily The Man knows that the word is wrong and unacceptable. I think the other themes went right over his head - thank goodness. There were good themes to what she presented though too, being true to yourself, not trying to have everyone like you, and so on. The Man did notice though, the "significant other" of the graduate afterwards. He did wonder about whether it was a "he" or a "she." We wondered too, until Traveler shared "she" was transitioning to a "he." So much to see on a college campus.


Traveler was next and did an outstanding job. Parade was about a Jewish gentleman lynched in the early 1900's for a murder he did not commit. Her thesis was research of his wife and the story more from the wife's perspective. She sang four songs, and to see how strong her stage voice has become was wonderful. Her senior thesis is behind her and Graduation will be May 8th.


The college students actually all snapped their fingers at each one as they finished. I thought that was something cheesy just in the movies, but they actually did that!


We stayed the night rather than heading right back, and that way we could have lunch with Traveler on Sunday. Our hotel was somewhat interesting. The suite did not have the queen size beds or couch we saw on the website - just double beds and the kitchenette that made it a suite. The Man and I found a pool table - the cue stick had been broken and taped back together with masking tape and the table had wierd warping in it. We never really knew where the ball was going. So we were even more entertained (I stink at pool, add a broken cue stick and a warberly table and, well . . .I think I played better!!) While in the area of the lobby - never once saw a single soul. No one came in. No one was at the desk. No one in sight! Quite eery! We found the exercise room - four pieces of equipment of the three we tried - they were all broken! It was much different from the other places we have stayed. The bathroom was interesting, the tub drained ever so slowly and the commode was not tightly attached to the wall. So it moved. Loudly. I feel the earth, move, under my .....
I do not recommend Quality Inn in Gainesville Georgia.


So Sunday, we met Traveler and her friend for lunch in Atlanta. We love Pappadeaux and that is where we met!! (Great way to tend the wounds of not winning the trip to Connecticut) Traveler had to have a friend bring her so she could get back to the campus. See Traveler locked her keys in her car the beginning of last week. It still has not been unlocked. I admire hubby for being so good at "allowing" her to step up and handle what she needs to handle. I do believe she was hoping someone else would handle it, but we are allowing her to become responsible, as should be for any twenty one year old.


Lunch was full of chatter.


We had been wondering what would come about after graduation as for living arrangements before she leaves for the Netherlands. At lunch it was confirmed: Traveler is moving back in from May to August. Back home. This home. Anyone want to come help me rearrange rooms and get her room ready?? haha


She mentioned "I guess I will need to get a job..." Guess?? Will than says, and do I love the calmness and steadiness, "yes you will, you will have rent to pay...."


Traveler: "rent? are you serious?"

Will: "yes, {{chuckle}} you will pay rent"

Traveler: "is Ocho (her brother) paying rent?"

Will: "yes he is"

Traveler: " how much"

Will tells her

Traveler: "what?"

Me: "do you know how much rent is for a one room apartment? it is more than that AND utilities, internet, groceries ..."

Travler: "man, my friends have talked about their parents doing that and I have always been like "Dude, my parents would never do that""


Traveler: "if I am paying rent does that mean I don't have a curfew?"

Me: "As long as you don't wake me!"


Now, before you get the wrong impression, we make no money off of this. We save the money for them, then when they move out, they will have a nest egg of some amount. BUT, we do think they should be saving money if they are living at home (which they won't do on their own) and they should be learning about what it takes to live on their own. While the rent is small compared to living on their own, it is a bill they are responsible for.


On a funnier note: The Man has decided he wants to live in a tent when he is older. Says it would save electricity. Said "I will still have a job and make money, I just won't have to spend it on electricity."


So, I will start taking those prayers as we move closer to this new living arrangement. I might set up a tent outside myself . . .

Does Vacation and Nightmare Go Hand In Hand?

Rhonda is having a contest!

The invitation is to share your Vacation Nightmares. . .

Got a good one to share? Travel here, and join in!

Now, time to travel back in time to . . .

Several months after Will and I married, it was decided to plan a “blended” family vacation. Now, we had been on vacations before, Will’s mom has a home a couple blocks from the beach on the Gulf. But this trip was to be a road trip. A trip longer than the three and half hour trek to the beach.

Options were narrowed down to Disney, the Grand Canyon, Washington D.C. Disney and the age difference in the kids seemed like a stretch at the time which left us with the Grand Canyon and D.C. Well, hubbies adventurous side was the Grand Canyon and possibly camping our way there. I did not come out and give my emphatic no, just kind of delicately expressed my concerns. In my mind, I could imagine the 6 of us in the mini van traipsing cross country cooped up in that van and sleeping on the ground each night. In my mind the image of arriving at the Grand Canyon, getting out and having one or more of the kids look and say “Ok, that is big, can we go, what is next ?” produced, in my mind, a not so wonderful feeling and the image of someone being swallowed by the canyon! So we steered our way to Washington D.C.

Planning and saving began. The kids were excited. I had my notebook of options. Places to visit, restaurants to eat and where to stay.

Plans were made to leave on a Saturday morning – 6:30 a.m. Kids were given the time. Ocho and Traveler were at their mom’s house that week, but were coming on Friday night before we were to leave. Times were set, so all could be loaded into the van and we could know everything was set.

Then reality started to set in. After . . .

#1 Ocho and Traveler did not get to our house until 10:00p.m. Friday night. That is several hours later than we had expected. They arrived only to leave again because they needed something from the store. They left and did not get back until after 11:00. So much for having everything packed and ironed out and all of rested for the early morning.

#2: About an hour and half into the trip, the next morning, from the back seat, a voice carries through the van “when can we stop at a laundry mat?” Traveler’s only clean clothes were the ones she was currently wearing. All that was packed was dirty. I will not elaborate any more on this. Gotta give her her dignity.

#3: 265 rounds of Boston’s song “Amanda”

#4: 264 rounds of “kiss the sky”

#5: A claiming of the back seat and the mad dash by four kids every time there was a stop

#6: Trying to find a restaurant for every meal that would appeal to a vegetarian. Said
vegetarian not delighted if a stop did not have as many meat free choices as the
previous.

#7: Naivety on the planners part – you really don’t have to walk everywhere in DC. There is a metro that runs all over the place. Too bad we did not notice the signs to the stations before the next to the last day

#8: Me- getting in trouble twice: The Smithsonian Air Museum. Never take a picture BEFORE going thru security (there were no signs posted and the airplane hanging above was cool); And the National Archives. They stress “NO LIGHTS, NO FLASHES.” Note: new digital camera has a green light that comes on whether or not you use the flash. Security guy was stern but did not take my camera. I had no idea there was a green light until after that.

#9: It was hot! DC in July is HOT!

After all that many other little issues . . .

We are up for the last day in DC. The van is packed and after DC we are headed to Kitty Hawk. First stop: the Lincoln Memorial. But we missed the turn so we ended up at our second stop first: Arlington Cemetery.

We attended the changing of the guard. Amazing! As soon as it finishes, Traveler comes straight up to her dad, showing signs of teenage indifference and says “can we go now?” So much for the solemn moment that had just finished. As she and Ocho head back to the welcome center, Demolition begins a tirade of why does he have to go with us. We change our plans of seeing Grant’s home and head on to the kids. It is decided to walk across to the Lincoln Memorial. By now it is lunch time. We are all hungry. We arrive to the Lincoln Memorial and all, but Will, plop down against a column and rest. Tired. Hot. Hungry. We notice the sky is getting darker and dark clouds are coming from the Arlington side.



I refused to walk back. We were all tired, we would just have to get a taxi. So we all crowded into a taxi and headed back to Arlington’s parking lot. We piled out of the car and off the kids dashed to the van in their hurry to claim the back seat.

Demolition D and The Man arrived first proudly claiming their spot to get in first. The doors were unlocked, and in their quest to get the back seat, the older kids knocked and smooshed the younger ones out of the way. Oh did the tears fall and the crying and anger surface.

Will being the patient soul he is, gently coaxed Demolition D from the van, telling the older ones to move, and talked with him away from the van. D decided he was fine, but he was not, and rudely pushed past Will telling him “don’t worry about it” and marched to the van, jumped in and began to close the door in Will’s face.

Well the patient soul let loose to tired, hungry, frustrated Will! As that door was being shut in his face, in the middle of his sentence, he grabbed the handle, yanked it open and . . .

The door came off the track in his hand!

Everyone’s eyes were as big of saucers. The older ones still had not left the van as they had been told, they left then. The Man left. The kids huddled around the columns of the parking deck – the parking deck that we were not parked under, but out from.

I walked around the van to see the door hung by one bolt, hubby holding it up, somewhat dumbfounded.



Remember that dark cloud?

One overhead clap of thunder and the bottom fell out! So there stood Will, in the rain, holding onto the van door as I scrambled for an umbrella. God smiled on the situation. A very kind fella named Hank, from Cincinnati, and his wife, were in their car, under the parking deck, and came to the rescue. The other wife and I stood holding umbrellas over our fellas as they managed to get the door back on track. They never said how much of the family clash they witnessed, that we will never know, but we are thankful for their compassion.

The kids quietly entered the van, the older kids in the middle, not the back, and we were back on the road.

About thirty minutes down the road, on our way to Kitty Hawk, Will and I started giggling and then laughing. All the ire had subsided and all seemed pretty silly. Traveler of course, did not appreciate our sense of humor in it, yet, but the story has provided much entertainment for others. And all of us laugh about it now, even Traveler! There were a few more happenings on the time left on the trip, but all and all, nothing could surpass the parking lot at Arlington Cemetery.

The Faces Say It All

All trips since have been to the beach!

Three Seasons, One Weekend

But we ended with winter . . .

The snow sputtered here, but about 40 miles away and North thru the state, snow accumulated!

After Church last night, I asked Ocho if he would mind calling his mom to see how much snow was at her home and did they think it would last til today.

I was planning a snow day for the boys!!

Snow was on the ground (8:30p.m.) but it was starting to melt. Ocho and his girlfriend decided to head up there and have snowball fight and invited us. With just a second of hesitation, we dressed, hats, gloves and such gathered and out the door we went for our destination 45 miles way . . .

Girlfriend, Ocho and The Man-trying to look all gangsta!!

So instead of just finding a spot with snow, we ended up at my husband's ex wifes home having a snow ball fight. He hit right after getting out of the truck . . . by his ex wife. It is nice to be able to have some simple fun in a way that many could not-no colliding . . .

So the weekend ended with a slushy snow ball fight . . . .

Today?

The sun is shining, it is still chilly - in the low 50's but the warm up is coming.

For me and my day off? I am now holed up in our LONG on going project - the airstream. Why? Not because I am working on it, but ...

I am hiding . . .

Hiding from a teen band resurrected...

Ocho has brought together a couple of friends, and well, the bass works, the drums work, the amp works . . . and some of the songs are recognizable these days, so there is improvement! But oh is it loud ... glad he goes to work soon so I don't have to insist on a cease fire.

As for the airstream? It muffles the head banging tunes, but turns out you can only connect to wireless in the bathroom -by the window- glad the shower seat is comfortable.

Cheers!

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie . . .

. . . I being that dog.

One week ago today, Ocho made a decision. The decision to move back here, back to a house full of people. His room was cleaned out of what had made its way in there. By Monday evening most of his belongings were in the room. The rest has trickled in throughout the week.

It has been great in the sense that Ocho is much happier than when he left a year and a half ago. It has been fun having him around and chatting. The Man and Demolition D are excited to have him back.

We knew there would eventually need to be a family meeting to get everyone on the same page, but we did not want to overwhelm him with having just moved back and have such big changes in such a short time. We also thought it would be good to wait some so we knew what we did need to go over or work together on.

Well, that time is getting closer . . . fast.

While we set our goal as making the transition easier for Ocho, we did not take into consideration our adjustment, our transition. Or maybe it is just mine. Instead of just having one more person in the house, it turns out there are two. I did not take into consideration what Ocho having a girlfriend meant. It means she has been here quite a bit. Friday night came and girlfriend's father was taking her brothers on a camping trip. We do not know the story with her mom, but she apparently is no longer around, so girlfriend needed someone to stay with. That would be us. So arrangements were made for Ocho to sleep downstairs and girlfriend upstairs.

I had gone to bed before they returned home. Around 11:30 or so, she started coughing, that woke me up. This went on for over and hour. Two coughs every 20-30 seconds. Yes, I counted, kind of like counting sheep! Will got back up and gave her some cough drops, hoping that would help. Then there were more noises. They had put in a movie, which meant the surround sound came on. So about the time I would settle back down, there would be a change in the movie, and poof back awake. So sleep was limited that night.

I got up the next morning, went to work, knowing how well I would sleep last night.

Well, as you guessed this sleeping dog did not lie the night through. Girlfriend did not come back last night, but Ocho stayed up when he did get home. Around 3 a.m. he starts the cough. The family room is outside our bedroom door. He is a few feet from our door, playing X-box, so no muffled coughs, hands were occupied with the controller for the game. Around 3:45 I got up and came out, grabbed a couple cough drops, handed them to him and said "thank you." He headed upstairs in the next 5-10 minutes.

Now the other thing about both these nights was the light/lights/tv. Turns out Ocho is not that keen on turning off electronics. Friday night the TV and kitchen light were left on. Last night a bathroom light. I had forgotten how much that bugs me. I have this thing about turning off lights in rooms you are not in and not leaving things running all night. A light left on all night rings "chachiiinnnnng" in my ears. But we have gotten up and turned off lights and kept up with.

So, as this sleep interupted wet blanket started this day, a realization was made - this is like having a newborn in the house again. A little more cleaning up. Learning new ways. Figuring out schedules, and maybe helping someone get there nights and days straight AND the family meeting will need to happen soon.

Otherwise all is well. We are happy to have him here and thankful that we get some time with him that is in a better time of his life. We hope the days stay nice and we know as the dust settles we will all settle in to this knew rhythm.

We will shout for joy when you are victorious

Psalm 20:5

The Switchback

In the five years Will and I have been married, our marriage has been wonderful, and parenting and life has been nothing short of ever changing scenery. We have been in the deep valleys. We have had mountain top views and thrills. We have been through the timber tops where it was rocky and barren and the air thin.

Where are we lately? I think we have been traveling along through the plains. There have been a few pot holes and few signs in languages we did not at first understand. Teenage communication at times is like that ya know. There has been much needed refreshing breezes.

About two weeks ago we saw smoke on the horizon though. We did not have much information, just a smoke signal. In the back of our minds though, we began thinking a little about what we might happen upon around that next bend in the road.

Well the bend is a little of a switchback. It is a whew of a turn with a chuckle and no road map for this new area.

Will it remain the plains? Will flowers and crops bloom? Or Will we enter a valley?

The smoke signals had been a conversation between Will and the ex wife in law. She has been in an interesting patch of life for awhile. I will give just a few facts – and only the facts. She remarried two and half years ago. The proposal from dude consisted of ” …get married. .. If I can’t make it with you, I guess I couldn’t make it with anyone.” There was a couple week break up soon after. There was a quick reconciliation followed by an elopement five days later. The next two years have been filled with mistrust, unknowns for her and several separations and filings for divorce. His home is 45 miles away. She moved there once on the spur of the moment. She moved back to her home a few months later. They had reconciled again but neither moved. She worked some nights and spent some time at her husbands home and he some time here. Four years ago we all entered a stormy time with Ocho. Not just questionable decisions were being made often, but bad ones. Outside influences had such an effect on his personality. So much that led to heartbreak, frustration, questions, doubts, fears and a lot of praying. It seemed he was getting “caught” quit often while living with us and that led to him deciding to stay with his mom full time. So a year and a half ago, he moved to his mom’s full time. Between the his mom’s work schedule and the trips, Ocho had the best of both worlds – living at home, but on his own in many ways.

So the smoke was, as of two weeks ago, she said she was “alone” and there was a contract on her house, she was not sure where she was going to live. We were not sure if Ocho was aware of this.

Saturday, the phone rings, it is Traveler saying she was in town helping her mom pack. Letting her dad know she was in town and trying to fit a visit in. DH asked where they were moving. The mom was moving to the husbands house (huh?) and Ocho was not sure yet, they had looked at an apartment, but did not know. They have to be out by this Thursday.

So Hubby calls Ocho. Yes they looked at an apartment last week, but he was not real sure. He had just found out 10 days earlier that he had to find somewhere to live. I think that is a pretty big aha moment any time in life, and especially at 18. Hubby offered for him to move back in, with the understanding that the same rules applied as before.

We took him to lunch yesterday and chatted a little about the situation. You know, it can be difficult being there for your kids and balancing the questions so you are not appearing nosy, or pushy or intrusive, but guiding and offering support and help. The frustration Ocho was feeling for the sudden change was quite apparent. We again offered him a place to stay. A chance to save up and have a nest egg. A chance to decide for himself where he might wish to rent.

I will be honest, I did not think he would take us up on the offer. There was such a struggle before when he lived here. He has matured so much over the last few months, that I thought it could work, but still, having been somewhat on his own, we all know how it is hard to go back to living at home after having your own schedule and so much personal space. I thought that would be a deterrent.

He left saying he would consider it. Within an hour he was back and said he decided to come back. He and his dad discussed some of the rules – I don’t like that word, it sounds to staunch, how about some of the boundaries and some of the things that need to be done for respect of all in the house, on our part too.

We are excited to have him back. When we have seen him and had him over in the past several months, it has been the real Ocho. The great smile is back and the pleasant person that we remembered before the visit to the timber tops.
So today begins a switch, I will clean out the closet and we will make room for the furnishings he is bringing. A new land we are entering with no road map to follow, just my word for this year . . . discernment

Ask and Receive?

Isn’t it great when you know a prayer is answered? Even a simple one?
I have had a little much needed time off. But I was not looking forward to returning to the routine. I love what I do, but there is apprehension with not knowing what to expect. So not liking the feeling of being slightly overwhelmed with the what if thoughts, I prayed. Prayed that God would use me, that I would feel invigorated about work. And it worked. I got to work and jumped in in getting set up. I felt energized and cheerful.

I asked . . . I recieved . . .

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now for not asking . . .

Then the snakes in my head woke up. Not about work, that part is still good. Traveler leaves back for school today. This holiday has been different from others due to the fact that we were the portal to World War Craft – online gaming, and we have internet, so she needed our home. We were in the presence of Traveler more than any other vacation/holiday. Granted, she was like The Man with his games, transfixed with the need to be only in the presence with the game itself. There was more interaction between the two of us, so that was a step in the right direction. Poor hubby has to deal with me wanting a friendly relationship and Traveler not being aware that there is any problem and being perfectly happy with things.

I had suggested last week that hubby take Traveler to lunch Friday, since she was leaving. That way they could have some “non-computer” time to chat. They did. We, hubby and me, had decided to take the boys to see a movie Friday night. I invited Traveler to go with us and she did. We had a really good time. While she was here, she made a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches on our little George Foreman. We were given a larger one for Christmas, so I offered for her to take it back to school. She is and she told her dad about it and was excited. She is vegetarian, so I sent two Loaded Baked Potato casseroles with her. Well sorta, she forgot them so we needed to get them to her today. She asked her dad to have lunch with her. I told him I would get them into a bag today and they could pick them up from me at the shop when they went to lunch.

Ok, so this is where the snakes come in. Inclusion – the state of being included. Somehow, this morning, in my mind, I decided they might invite me to join them. Many Tuesday’s I can’t leave for lunch, but today I could. Granted, hubby did not know that, but still, being invited, included would have been nice. So with all the aggravation and truly extreme differences in Traveler’s and my views, I still wanted to be included to feel accepted. Which I know if hubby read this would think is crazy! I also know that is rather narcissistic, but those were my thoughts, my desires.

So while one prayer was answered, I guess I forgot to continue to pray for the relationship between Traveler and me. I am sure come May, after graduation, we will have our next opportunity of togetherness. I don’t know what my prayer would be, except “Lord have Thine own way. . .”

And Our Strangers From Afar . . .

Arrived.

And ladies and gentlemen . . .

We have . . . .





the flying dutchmen!



The beginning of the story here.

International talks started early on.

Negotiations ended in the following:

1. Imbibing on beer permissible but not at Thanksgiving lunch or to the point of intoxication or in the lodge.
2. Drink alcohol - no handling of firearms
3. Wine would be fine for supper Thursday night.

They have already been great guest - the wine is a hostess gift and Dutchy even made a dish for Thanksgiving- sourkraut(sp) mashed potato dish with cheese and bacon and sausage.

The first night they enjoyed the chili we made, one especially, he amazed me how much he ate - and he is not a teenager! We had Georgy Porgy Pie for dessert. Wow, it was so rich.

They were so excited to have beds to sleep on - they have been sleeping on couches since arriving in the States last week."

A year ago when Traveler was talking about Dutchy (before we had actually met) she corrected us about saying he was from Holland. It was the Netherlands. Saying Holland was a no-no.

So for a year we have said Netherlands.

After meeting the group we started chatting. They told A (SIL) that they were from Holland, then when MIL joined us, she asked them if they all were from the Netherlands. They said yes. A said, "so, do you we say Netherlands or is it Holland" Three of them said at the same time "same thing."

Yay, the general vicinity is OK. Holland is much shorter to say and type then Netherlands! And since everything is so close . . . hehe

I loved that the Guy Cousin and the four could talk soccer. Guy Cousin plays and coaches soccer in North Georgia. They discussed the various "leaques" (I guess that was it). Guy Cousin talked about the style of many of his players - some from south america, some from mexico, etc. One background is more physical and aggressive. Another background was "physical but very fluid." More was said, but I was lost in the exchange about a very physical sport and the word fluid being used. It was like listening to someone critique a dance routine. I enjoyed the exchange and how soccer could bring together strangers so quickly.

hmmm, so does blogging!!

Cheers!!

Some Added Spice This Year

So tomorrow marks the beginning of the gathering for Thanksgiving.

Every year there are a couple new faces or at least faces we have not seen in a long time. It is a very nomadic group. For example, my parents will not be there this year, they are joining my brother and his wife and her family. Next year they will be back.

This year there are two cousins that will be joining us Wednesday-Friday. One of those life interrupts and people lose touch situations, now contact has been re-established and they were invited by my husbands other sister – Cindy.

And then we have Traveler. . . {{this makes me chuckle}}

Traveler met a Dutch man (he’s 28), a year and a half ago, interning here in the States. A couple months into dating, Traveler decided that the degree an career she was pursuing will most likely not be lucrative enough for her spending habits. So the answer is to finish the chosen degree and then shoot for gaining a law degree. International. From Amsterdam. Which was great, this wisdom had been handed to Traveler 3 or 4 years earlier, and to see her thinking line up with the wise counsel offered was interesting. {ok, I know it had nothing to do with the wise counsel offered by her dad (hubby) and her mom – I know it is the late 20-ish heartthrob having the great influence and provides the true agenda for jaunt to the Netherlands.}

So Traveler spent January until August in the Netherlands trying out some criminal justice classes and learning Dutch. She has since decided not to be a lawyer but maybe pursue some kind of international public relations something. But that was a few weeks ago, might be back to the lawyer degree.

Anyway, I digress . . .

Traveler returned to the States in August to finish her current degree. Dutchy had been invited for Thanksgiving and the plans were on for him to join us. About three or four weeks ago Dutchy informs Traveler that he needs “space.”

hmmmm . . . space you say?? You are in the Netherlands??

Well, there are only about 4,398 miles and ocean and at least a 9 hour air flight. (But that is a nice let her down easy approach, we will see how many circles this approach will take)

But Traveler said it was not a break up even though she was quite devastated.

That put the visit on hold.

Two Fridays ago Traveler called and said Dutchy is in fact joining us. He has purchased his flight and is coming to America.

And . . .

Bringing three friends with him!

Now, we are not sure if this will be the 4 Flying Dutchman joining us: Dutchy, Hans, Dirk and Christian. (made up names)

Or if these 3 are crony’s of his are from the Atlanta area: Jim, Tom, John and Frank. (made up names)

But it is cracking me up thinking about these fellas coming to the woods in South Georgia, especially if ALL are from the Netherlands.

Why? Well, It has been interesting hearing about his and his families’ views.

• We had a video visit with Traveler at their home, they were BIG into American Politics – and very, very liberal.
• Before Dutchy returned from his intern, he came to meet us and visit. Traveler warned him that we would have a separate room for him. He asked why and she explained the “we are not married and at Dad’s house we will not sleep together.” He said in the Netherlands, parents start expecting overnight visits from girlfriends/boyfriends around the age 16. hmph!
• Every picture we have seen from her visit, the table does not just have beer or wine glasses, the center is covered with the hard stuff! And I don’t mean one or two bottles –rather quite an assortment. They are also very use to their after dinner coffee laced with their favorite “flavor.” (My Brother-In-Law is a tea totaler, so it is an alcohol free spot, unless you head over to his son’s house)
  
  

So I am cracking up thinking about the what if they are all Dutch? The differences and the "spice" to be added to Thanksgiving when the poor live as you like, drink as you want, shack with whom you will, anti gun liberals coming to the tea-totaling, gun totin, Bible thumping, no shacking republican minded South.

I hope they leave, though, having had a great time and having experienced true Southern hospitality and will want to come back!

Photo Phun Phriday - Tux's Were A Must

On November 22nd, Will and I will celebrate 5 years married. It was wonderful! Will's philosphy was "you don't get married that often, so it should be a real celebration." And that the boys should wear a tux . . . with tails - they looked great!


The Man here, was having a blast - he was wearing a tux and thought he was most definitely the man!




All went well with wedding plans until the 24 hours before. But by the above picture, you would never know that:

• My mom's bouquet fell over after being picked up - and it broke, and the florest helper that had not had the right box to give me the flowers in, talked so ugly to me (a friend fixed it for me, I would not let ugly lady touch them after that)


• The above tux was picked up and the sleeves were 4" inches too short . ..Yes, Aleta, 4" does matter (hehe)


• That the groom's cake was decorated with white frosting and peach flowers ...and it was just too late to do anything about it. So the grooms cake, was very feminine . . .and the lady setting up the reception room insisted it had to go in the center of the table (I had four different cakes/flavors, it was a second marriage after all, I could do what I wanted :))


• That Traveler's mom decided Traveler needed to help her take her car to be serviced, an hour and half away on the day of the wedding, even though Traveler needed to meet the others singing at 1:00 to practice the song they were singing - having not sang the song together (she did make there around 3:00)


• One of the ladies that was to help set up, decided to be late (and not tell anyone) since the caterer was known to be a little . . . ummmm . . . thorough and to the point (translated controlling and gruff).


• That the bride burst into tears when the above was found out, the last straw.

Now take a look at Demolition D . . . .

Wasn't he cute! But oh was he mad - we were going on our honeymoon and not taking them with us! He only smiled like this when I was more than 20 feet from him.

If I was close by, that smile would disappear and he would put on his best "I am not having a good time" look(trying to make me feel bad and take him with us). When I walked away? Was having fun!


Traveler and Ocho were decked out too!



Ocho had entered his serious, not showing teeth phase. He, also, was ready to go to the Miss {high school} pageant. . . (they had been through a couple weddings with their mom, so this was no big deal to them)


Travler had just been named, two nights before, Miss {her highschool}. It was a busy week! Before leaving for the {high school} pageant . . . she did get a dance in with her dad . . .





The picture I wish I had was of Will and me cleaning up afterwards. There were 4 or 5 ladies who said they would stay and clean up so we could go ahead and have a traditional exit. That did not happen. They got tired and left WAY early - as in before 9:00 (the wedding reception started at 7:00). So Will and I, my parents and a few others got it cleaned up (in our wedding best, no less!!). Our really cute buckets of bird seed did not get thrown at us as we left, instead we had a bird seed fight with the SIL that was still there and with Demolition D and The Man.


The poor tux rental place - The Man, enjoyed his tux to the fullest, no tears or stains, but oh was it dirty!



NOW - you, go check out more photo phun at Candid Carries, the gracious host for these phestive phridays - and enter and play with us.





Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Colliding In The Blender

I would love to say that our “blended” family has been a do over of the Brady Bunch where the highest point of drama would be the pitiful sing song “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.” But it is not. Thankfully it is our own unique colliding of families and homes. One of the obstacles that came out of this would be between Traveler and me.

Will and I read books on blended families, went to counseling before marrying, made sure we found a house with enough rooms that each child would have their space. We provided time for one on one time with the kids. Worked had trying to ease the transition. We, of course, still have encountered issues that did not respond like the books said and we have had to muddle through on something better – Faith.

Saturday evening was when Traveler came over for dinner. I cannot say that my day was not laced with much anticipation and anxiety.

See, when Will and I married, it was really strange for Traveler to have new people in the home. She was 16, busy, ready for all the activities that come with driving and working toward leaving for college . . . not sharing a bathroom with two more boys, nor probably sharing her dad’s affection.

After the wedding we moved straight into the intolerance stage which was demonstrated by ignoring me. I just wanted to be accepted treated nicely. I was very frustrated and at times angry. I finally gave in and let it play out, I stopped trying to force hellos, how are you’s and gave her space. When she left for college it changed more to indifference, kinda like that of passing someone you do not really know, don’t necessarily want to but do give the hellos, goodbyes and goodnights. Now we fluctuate between polite indifference and friendliness. Thus the anxiousness about visits, will she be open to chatting or will I need to give plenty of space?

So what was Saturday? It was mix . . .it did start off with the indifference, the one word answers with the smile that said “are we done now, can I finish checking my email?” Dinner went well though. She opened up but even more so when MIL stopped by. Then it moved into real, pleasant conversation.

Next stage?

I look forward to the day when conversation flows easily. When there is no undercurrent of tension. When fun chit chat can happen without the prompting of a third party. When we can be friends, no forced niceties, just enjoy the person each of us are, you know, friends. So I will continue to pray, pray for Traveler and pray for myself. Pray for guidance and wisdom for each encounter ~ and jump for joy when that day comes!

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed."

Habakkuk 2:3