Redneck Love Poem

A little love month humor to bring a smile or two :)

Redneck Love Poem

Collards is green

my dog's name is Blue

and I'm so lucky

to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk

a-flapping in the breeze

Softer than Blue's

and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,

which excite me in May.

You ain't got no scales

but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry

jist a-fry'n in the pan.

Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"

right out of the can.

You have som'a yore teeth,

for which I am proud;

I hold my head high

when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,

when you shave under yore arms,

well, I'm in hawg heaven,

and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,

they all want to know,

what I did to deserve

such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape

yo're there fer yore man,

to patch up life's troubles

and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug

a-buzzin' overhead.

You ain't mean like those far ants

I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth

like a plaid flannel shirt,

you spark up my life

more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight

like a padded gunrack,

my life is complete;

Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,

like the best vinyl sidin'.

despite all the years,

yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie

with a RC cold drank,

we go together

like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate

for Valentine's Day;

They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses

on that special day

from the cooler at Kroger.

"That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds

from a flea market booth.

"Diamonds are forever,"

they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,

these won't do.

Cause yo're too special,

you sweet thang you.

So I got you a gift,

without taste nor odor,

more useful than diamonds...

IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!

-- Unknown

p.s. If you have ever had a redneck relative (blood related or by marriage) , that was much older, and looked like one of the gentlemen (losely named) from the movie Deliverance call you "sweet thang,"  welll, that part of the poem might make you shiver and gag a little in the middle of your laugh. True story. :)

Good Tiding To You All!

"...And with true love

and

brotherhood

Each other now embrace;

this holy tide of Christmas

Doth bring redeeming grace"

Merry Christmas!

Nary A Lump . . .

I received this email and just had to share!

Hope all have had a great day and made sweet memories . . .

Twas the night of thanksgiving,

But i just couldn't sleep.

I tried counting backwards,

I tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned -

The dark meat and white,

But i fought the temptation

With all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation,

The thought of a snack became infatuation.

So, i raced to the kitchen, flung open the door, and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.

Gobbled up  turkey  and buttered potatoes, pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round, 'til all of a sudden, i rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky, with a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie.

But, i managed to yell as i soared past the trees....

Happy eating to all - pass the cranberries, please.

May your stuffing be tasty,

May your  turkey  be plump.

May your potatoes 'n gravy have nary a lump.

May your yams be delicious.

May your pies take the prize,

May your thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs!!

Yes, The Week of Gratitude and Thanksgiving

I would have to say, the mellowness of this song does not match my feelings, but I love it!

I enjoy the shades of color and feelings gratitude can take on. I think mine, this year, matches the bright

oranges, yellows and reds of all the leaves.

I am thankful for the color that has lasted so long,

and for the rain, so desperately needed, that will

wash the colors down and away.

I am thankful for all that we always give thanks for this time of year:

family, friends, jobs, homes and food on the table.

But I have had fun this week, trying to be thankful in all things,

to take in the world around me a little more.

I have not been completely successful, but I have succeeded also.

Yesterday, I had such a simple experience, but yet it was joyful too.

As I pumped gas, having noticed a couple gas stations .10 lower than

the stations near home (thankful), a lady on the other side asked me

how far to the interstate. I had to think, and am not sure how right I was,

but she was thankful when I said 20-25 miles, she said she was tired.

I noticed then, the tag on her car. Oregon. Oregon to south Georgia??

So I asked about the distance she had traveled, and she shared some of her

story(thankful). She retired in September, and had been on the road since October.

Making her way to a family members home, in Florida, for Thanksgiving.

She had zig zagged her way, by herself, across the states, and now was

less than a day away.

She said she was visiting the relative and then going to Peru. I took a chance,

and hoped I was not intruding, and asked about Peru. She wants to live

in South America for awhile.  She named a couple places she is considering,

knowing which were open in heart and soul, to accepting "outsiders."

It was a quick conversation, but she made me smile. I am thankful for those

that can step away from what they know and enter adventures such as that.

I am thankful for the independence and courage that some possess and inspire

the rest of us, who may not have it. I am thankful that she shared a snippet of her

story with a complete stranger. Because I loved her adventure...funny how something

so simple and not necessarily out of the normal can bring enjoyment.

There were many more "thankful moments" yesterday, and the day before, and

the day before that. I am sure there will be plenty today... I just hope to remember

to breath deep and take them in and keep my savoring for those moments,
more than for the pies and cakes and casseroles tomorrow...

Happy Thanksgiving To You All!!

"And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him."
Colossians 3:17

Advent

Growing up, I had never heard the term Advent.

I was completely grown and had experienced the Christmas season in several different churches. Yet, advent was not a part of any of them.  And I really don’t know the history behind it. Is an advent calendar the same or is it different than counting down to Christmas?

I don’t know if this tradition is exclusive to just a few denominations, the church I attend has included this tradition in every Christmas season that I have attended (8 years), or not, but it seems like I see more and more on it.

So this year, I am learning more. I am seeking to see if a tradition can be added to our personal experience during the Christmas season, rather than just Sundays with the lighting of the candles. And I have to say, this has been an interesting topic.

Turns out the season of Advent goes back to the early church, 1st and 2nd century. While an exact date is not actually known, the traditions can be traced back to this time.  Early Christian's focus during this season was:

• Remember the coming of the Son of God to earth in human form as a babe in the manger
• The coming of Jesus into the lives and hearts and actions of those that accepted Him as their Savior
• The future coming when Jesus will return to the earth as a king - "O come, O come, Emmanuel

Many traditions have evolved over the centuries, in various regions, that aided in keeping the reason for the season, the reason. At the same time, most Western Churches ceased to practice or observe the tradition, thus the reason for this seeming so foreign to me - I had attended those that did not.  While the church I attend now does, I came in not at the beginning of a new tradition but one that was already established and one that I did not fully understand. I thought it was just something unique and creative to this church, not knowing it was set in a very long tradition for many Christians.

Candles and wreaths and calendars...I did have a calendar growing up, and I do remember the paper chains. I don't remember them having any symbolism beyond a day closer to the receiving of gifts and the jolly, rosy cheeked chap that would sneak in during the night to leave wonderful things kids dream of.

But now, I wish I had known more about the season of Advent as Advent. I wish so many churches had not turned away from the Advent tradition. What a great way to guide families through the hustle and bustle of the season while showing clearly where the joy, anticipation, caring, and giving (not necessarily materially, not necessarily not) should be centered.

Searching through the stories and traditions is giving me what I needed this season. A lighted path to what I hope to add to our Christmas season days over the next month.

Do you observe Advent? Do you have a personal tradition that is considered an Advent tradition?

Through the Woods

I have embarked on a journey.

A slow one. I am not very far from the warmth of what I know.

My journey is taking me away from what has been the norm for Christmas celebrations.

It is slow because I just don’t know how to maneuver my way to this new destination I so desire. At the same time, there is much of what I know that I do not want to leave behind. The lights. The wrappings. The colors. The sounds. Ahhhh So sometimes the journey seems to hit a wall.

Several weeks ago I was hit with how close the Christmas season was. Dread washed over me. I have kept the decorations somewhat simple the past couple years.

But that is not where the drain is.

I hear that Christmas music has already started. But I have not tuned in, yet. See I like Christmas music. That is not the drain.

I noticed Hallmark Channel begins its holiday marathon on Christmas movies on November 5^th (might be sooner, that is just the first one I NOTICED). I have to say I truly enjoyed all the new movies Hallmark had on last year. But I will not tune in quite yet. Again, not really the drain.

The drain has come from many years of trying to meet that expectation that sometimes comes with the season. The gifts!

Disappointment from others has added its barb. Somehow the idea that Christmas is about meeting a wish list has trumped the real joy of giving: being simple and thoughtful.  I too have inflicted a few barbs on myself. How do you gift someone who has so much? Or how do you gift someone that buys what they need when they need it? Or once I decide, I second guess whether they will like it. Do you gift them by donating to those who really do have a need? Not necessarily…

Then there is the whole focus of the season. The commercial aspect has become the major vein of the season. And I have perpetrated that version year after year after year. I want to celebrate Christmas to share the joy of the God I so believe in. That has given so much to me. That has so much to give everyone.

So the spot I found myself in last year and again this year is, how do you give, spread joy and most importantly, share the Good News! (and keep the fun magical aspects of it: decorations, wrappings, visits, good food).

Last year I did take one initial step: No one is to ask me what I want. My feelings on this is: if creativity and simplicity fail to elicit a fun or simple or heartfelt gift, please, by all means, make a donation to a charity in my name! I really have all I need and I don’t really want for anything. I don’t wish for anyone to buy something for me for the sake of buying something. And definitely no store gift cards. I think those are great for young adults who are setting out on their own or on a tight budget. But if we are all going to just be exchanging gift cards, let’s end this and keep our own money and make a donation.

This year I remain adamant: if you have to ask, please skip me.

While I was dreading all this way too early, I did start buying. And wrapping.   Ok,  ok, ok.  That sounds a little silly so early, but it was the best thing I could have decided for my mood.

With Traveler now living in another state. Her gifts will be mailed. Last year was the first, and we saw a great appreciation for the thought behind the gift. For the gifts from those far away. The gifts were not elaborate.  The Man wrapped up a dozen Cow Tails, since that is one of her favorite candies. Gloves, an ice scraper, a gas card. Other family members placed items in the box. She really seemed to appreciate the box. The appreciation was much different and much more sincere then Christmases in the past.

So this year, I have bought a small counter top size tree, a string of lights and garland, and we will add a few more goodies to the box. We had to “build” a box to fit – and that is done. And full of Christmas glitter. More little wrapped goodies will be added and the box will be sent the first week of December. This did wonders for my attitude! The excitement and fun of putting together a goodie box: fabulous.  It has taken away from my Bah Hum Bug mood and I am having so much fun! The proven: giving is best.

But I am still wanting to find a way to make Christmas about more than the gift hunt and gift receiving. I want to get the focus more about the wonders of God and his provisions and love and expressing that to others. How do you do that when your kids are about grown (or grown)?  What can be added into the routine that will begin to feel normal and not be a trying too hard move?

Which leads me to: what traditions or what new activities do you have that ease this hectic season? That balance the expectation with the peace? The giving with the receiving? The reaching beyond our own little world? How do you put it all together so all can be magical?

Can't wait to hear . . .