Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Redneck Love Poem

A little love month humor to bring a smile or two :)

Redneck Love Poem

Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have som'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.

"That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.

So I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...


-- Unknown

p.s. If you have ever had a redneck relative (blood related or by marriage) , that was much older, and looked like one of the gentlemen (losely named) from the movie Deliverance call you "sweet thang,"  welll, that part of the poem might make you shiver and gag a little in the middle of your laugh. True story. :)


Sandi McBride said...

I laughed till coffee spurted out my nose! I saw author unknown, but pray it's you! Odd, but our Cher (the rival cat) wrote a poem today, too...not quite as redneck as that but when the first line is "go pee high up on that fence post" well, you have to wonder...great minds and all that, pal~
hugs Sandi!
(coming in from One Cat Shy of Crazy, today

Debbie said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! That's funny.

I laughed about the "sweet thang" comment. And yes, I have have folks call me that. They don't look like banjo playing Deliverance people as much as Cooter from The Dukes of Hazard.

Thank you for letting me start my day with a laugh.

Gayle at Planet M Files said...

Oh, Lailani, this is so funny!

FancyHorse said...

Just in time for Valentine's Day! All the romantic gentlemen should memorize this, or at least cut and paste for their own sweet thangs!

Chatty Crone said...

SO how did you know how we talk down here? sandie

Jules~ said...

Oh my goodness that is funny! Brings back so many memories of my "Lewziana kinfolk". Thank you for the reminder.