Lenten

I started this post a week or so ago and never finished it. As I have moved through this Lenten season though, I have wanted to post more, but this particular thought might be needed for some of the funnies and for some of the more insight I hope to come:  

"For this Lenten season I have chosen to give up something and take something on.

The past 12 months of adjustment have been difficult and the full adjustment has not been achieved. We remain rockin’ on this sea of differing views, values, morals.

I do not believe we are on the same boat, maybe we are all in our own little dingy’s and sometimes we are floating along fine and next thing you know we are playing bumper boats. Unfortunately the bumper boats are over the same thing each time.

Even though I do not have a tradition or history of observing Lent, this year I have. I have carried much anger over the last year at issues that just cannot be resolved. One being pitching in around the house. There are six of us and we all contribute to the need of common areas being cleaned - dusted, vacuumed, swept, etc., you all know – not a new battle in the least or unique to my home.

The anger comes from the asking and being ignored. Eye to eye, “yes, I will do that” in action – “hahaha, you THINK I am going to do that? Right, ‘scuse me I have a party to go to, you know real life, see you at 4 a.m. …”

Anger has been around too much, and it has been a little zapping of energy and joy. So for this season, I gave up request. I took something on, if it needs to be done, I will do it. Don’t get me wrong, I will accept volunteered help, but no request or expectations will be or, for the most part, have been issued.

So now it is 4 weeks into this season and the end is coming.
I have worked deliberately at times to chase off the anger. I have purposefully not gone past opened doors as often, thus not seeing the mess or smelling the need for an area to be cleaned. There has been less anger about certain actions, and less moments with the feeling of the rise of my blood pressure.

The problems are still there, but the break from trying to figure out how to fix them has been good too. Trying to figure out how to get buy in to make this living situation work, had become too big of an issue in my life. By stepping back, I have realized some about myself, about my expectations.

Now I am hoping for insight on how to live out my life, in this particular situation, the way God would have me to. Show grace where needed, but not compromise my own values and how I see my household. I hope not to give up the desire to have openness and honesty and pleasant interactions, but not to hold on to expectations of such. To not be frustrated when the choice is made to avoid, to be alone, to not interact.

I hope that there will be a change in me, and that change will change the dynamics of this home.

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